Dirk L'Orange is Writing...

Most of you know, that my father passed away a few months ago. For those of you who haven't, he died on September 15. It's kinda weird to think he's been gone for almost 3 months....

I've never had someone that close to me die before.... and it's been tough. As tough as it has been, I can tell you that the toughest part for me wasn't seeing his life slip away in the hospital. It wasn't being at his funeral and having to "saying" goodbye. It wasn't even having to deal with some family, who right after this whole thing, go back to their pettiness and bickering.

Those of you who've had someone close to you die will understand what I'm about to say, and those of you who haven't will, at some point in the future, understand what I'm about to say... The toughest part is living day to day and feeling like things have pretty much gone back to normal and then, out of the blue, hearing something or seeing something makes you think of that person and reminds you that you have a big part of you missing.... and that just sucks.

Posted by PoS at 11:34 PM | Permalink

[UPDATE 05-18-2007]: The observer offers a link to additional gas saving tips.

A skeptics guide to fuel economy as the summer nears and gas prices hit record highs.

Found in an article on Yahoo! via CNNMoney.com, Four Gas Saving Myths.

From the article,

1. Additives, magnets, and other gimmicks help save gas.
FACT: They have a negligible effect on fuel economy. Mostly, they're a rip off.

2. Keeping windows rolled down increased aerodynamic drag reducing fuel efficiency and running your car's a/c wastes gas.
FACT: Keeping windows rolled down (compared to keeping them up) and using a/c versus not, has no significant effect on gas mileage.

3. Wednesday is the cheapest day to buy gas.
FACT: While gas prices tend to be slightly higher on weekends, there's no one day that is the best day to buy gas.

4. Stopping and starting your engines drains your gas tank.
FACT: That may have been true in the days cars had carburetors, but with today's fuel injected engines, if you know you're going to be idling for more than 30 seconds, turning off the engine actually saves gas.

... and now some gas saving tips that DO WORK!!!!

1. Keep your tires inflated to their proper pressure. Not only that, it'll help the tires last longer and allow you to maneuver more safely.

2. Remove excess weight from your car. Put those golf clubs in the closet if you're not going to be using them. Dispose of that dead body that's chopped up in hefty bags in the trunk. Stop running illegals across the border just to get cheaper lawn care service.

3. If your car has a cruise control, use it whenever possible. When on the expressway, especially on long trips.

4. Most importantly, drive sensibly. Avoid rapid starts and stops and exceeding the speed limit too much.

Happy driving and gute Nacht.

Posted by PoS at 2:12 AM | Permalink

I'm totally serial...

Okay the bit at the beginning is funny where he "arrives" on a motorcycle... and the bit at the end where he breaks the dude's controller is pretty funny too... but dude, other than that... totally gay.

Alrighty, here's the real thing...

The opposite of gay.

Posted by PoS at 10:17 PM | Permalink

Click on the link below and let the magic begin.

YES! Click it!!!

And yes, it's work safe!

Posted by PoS at 10:16 AM | Permalink

Tired of scrapbooking... or collecting spoons from tourist traps?

Are you suffering from the onset of carpel tunnel because of working those knitting needles???

Perhaps you need a new hobby.

No need to thank me.

.... and Hail Xenu!

Posted by PoS at 11:55 AM | Permalink

Posted by PoS at 12:01 AM | Permalink

November, 13, 1911 - October 6, 2006

You can read more about Buck here.

Posted by PoS at 6:12 PM | Permalink

I'll tell you how it goes.

Posted by PoS at 9:57 AM | Permalink

... and other interesting (or not so interesting topics).

As if it wasn't bad enough that Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet" and then thrown a into a couple of new (pretty much made up) classification as a "trans-Neptunian" object (a celestial object that crosses the orbital path of Neptune). Now, to add insult to injury, Pluto has been stripped of its name, according to the NewScientist.com news service:

Pluto will henceforth be known as minor planet 134340 Pluto, according to a new designation by the International Astronomical Union's Minor Planet Center.

Next!!!!

My brother-in-law doesn't realize when he calls that we actually DON'T have an answering machine at home, but instead, we have voicemail.


Listen Now:

So, while he's calling out ma to answer the phone, little does he realize that he's just speaking into a computer somewhere on the internet while his mother continues with her day unaware that her son needs her.

Posted by PoS at 10:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Like many of you, I get email. And from time to time -- like when I don't have anything else to write about -- I like to share some of my email with all of you. I get litterally tens of emails per day. Granted, most it is from a series of animal rights and environmental activist sites where I might have signed some petition and forgot to uncheck the little box that said "send me email updates", but still, I do get a few gems that are noteworthy like the ones I've shared below.

The first one has the following subject: "FW: Simple Friend vs. Real Friend"... or something like that.

I gave this email a visual scan knowing full well what was contained within. As you might expect, it was some blather about the difference between a "real" friend and a "simple friend... you know, like the old joke, A simple friend bails you out o f jail, a real friend is sitting in the cell with you saying, "we really screwed up, didn't we"....[sigh] and of course, I scrolled down (yes, there was scrolling required) and what do you think the last one was? Guess. C'mon, guess. That's right, "a simple friend deletes this email after read it. A real friend replies back to the sender copies 10 of their friends."

My response??? Here:

DUDE.... Whether you are a true friend or simple friend, I don't need a freakin' email affirmation to that effect in order to raise my, [sarcasm]oh so tender, suicidally low self-esteem.[/sarcasm] And sure, I know what you're thinking... you're thinking, 'hey, PoS, what gives, why you harshin' my mellow? It's the thought that counts, dude.' Okay sure, I agree... next time you get one of these emails and you think of me, be thoughtful enough to skip my name in your address book. Seriously dude, Here's a "real friend/simple friend" bullet for you to add to the list. A simple friend send you cute little emails about real friends vs. simple friends. A REAL friend realizes you think these thinks are stupid and skips you when they muster the strength to click the forward button for that, oh so desperate need to hear back from them to ensure that you are well thought of. Better yet, here's another one... a real friend helps you install four ceiling fans and 2 light fixtures and a simple friend cuts out on you when it's time to return the favor!!! GOT IT.

Next, I get some crap containing a link to a "funny video".... something having to do with bowling. Now, I don't mind bowling. It's not a sport, to be sure, but it can be a fun activity with which one can participate with friends and even make new special bowling friends. Be that as it may, I think I can place my level of interest in viewing any "funny videos" links forwarded to me via email somewhere between using a nail gun to drive a nail into my forehead and being forced to watch a Poirot marathon on the A&E channel.

Thus... my response:

Psst... notice how this email is showing up in BOLD type. That might be significant.

<BIG SIGH> Let me see if I can put this succinctly. I didn't watch "America's Funniest Home Videos" years ago when it was on... I don't generally visit viral video sites like YouTube or iFilm.com because they're essentially the same thing, without the Bob Saget voiceovers and pathetic studio audience laugh track.

Finally, we have an email with the subject, "FW: Beautifully stated..........". This was both a heartwarming and thought provoking email. Simply put, it was a beautiful reminder to take a second to stop and smell the roses, to "seize the day", as it were. And of course, this message contained an instruction to forward it to at least 5 friends with the promise that a "miracle would occur".

Response:

Are you F--KING kidding me???? I'm tired of all this "life is beautiful" crap. Look there's some pretty cool aspects of life, and there's some pretty crappy aspects to it. Good stuff happens to bad people and bad stuff happens to good people ... and every once in awhile people actually get what they deserve, good or bad. But this "it's all good" crap makes me sick. I don't even need to read the email to figure out what it says. It's sort of like that "Life is like a box of chocolates" line from Forest Gump.... my response to that is, life is like a box of chocolates IF, AND ONLY IF, every once in awhile, when you bit into one of the chocolates, it turned about to be a piece of poop. Oh, and F--K NO, I'm not forwarding this crap to 5 or my friends.... I have a little more respect for them than that. The only miracle I want is for this crap to stop circulating around the Internets and stop clogging up the tubes.

Posted by PoS at 12:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

First, I should say that my father-in-law is in town. He's been very helpful but there are a few things that drive me nuts. First, when he gets a little warm in the house, he takes his shirt off. It's quite disturbing... he's a 60 year old guy and he has a bit of a belly, and a gray brillo pad on his chest. Next, he calls me "son". This is strange for me, because (A), I'm not his son, (B) my own father doesn't call me "son", and (3) he says it after EVERY SENTENCE. As in:

ME: Good Morning, would you like some breakfast?

HIM: No thanks, son. I'll wait for lunch, son. Can we go to the store later, son?

ME: Yeah, that's okay, but first I need to mow the lawn.

HIM: Okay, son. ...

"Maybe he doesn't know my name," I thought, "I wonder if I should go about telling him?" Then, he says, "Can we stop by the store on the way home and get some more ice cream, Son?"

I reply, "Sure."

I answers, "Thanks, Son."

In addition to that, I spent half of friday (approx. noon to 8pm) working in the back yard with Mrs. PoS and the father-in-law. In all, we cleared our landscaped area (180 sq. yds.) of all leaves and mulch, bagged the mulch, then loosened the soil using shovels and a pick axe, then poured and spread out 40+ bags of top soil. Then we replanted 4 or 5 shrubs, and finally we spread out a layer of new mulch.

On Saturday, we mowed and edged the back yard, spread some additional top soil on our front landscaping, dug a 75 foot long trench along our foundation and buried a soaker hose, and then I barbequed some steak and chicken.

It's been a long weekend and I'm exhausted and my shoulders and back ache, and my shirtless father-in-law is driving me nuts! I also discovered something... despite the fact that doing these projects is a pain in the ass (mowing, re-working our landscaping, etc.), once I get going on them, I see them through to the end and I get a lot of satisfaction out of completing the tasks. Much more so that someone I know (I won't mention any names) but he's a lazy ass and only does projects when his wife badgers him to do so, and pays someone to mow his front yard, while using a $350 self-propelled (purchased AFTER he moved into his current domicile) mower to go over a 10ftx10ft patch of grass in the back yard. I know you know I'm talking about you, buddy, so take that BE-YOTCH! HEHEHEHEHEH.

[UPDATE]: Our A/C just went out for the 4th time this summer. Again, it's the Condensor outside that is completely shut down. If it's just the fan motor, it's under warranty... but we're thinking it's time to replace the whole unit.

Posted by PoS at 11:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This is the first playoff basketball I've watched this year from beginning to end. Mainly because we were visiting the grandparents and they don't have cable tv. I must say, I was not disappointed.

2. The Mavs got jobbed on the timeout deal. In every other situation the refs would have asked the player, "Are you sure about that?"... Everyone knew that Dallas wanted that timeout after the 2nd free throw and I do believe it is part of the NBA official's job to make sure there is no missed communication. That being said, it is not the official's job to interpret the thoughts and intent of the player and the coach. Bottom line, Josh Howard should have been more careful and not made what turned out to be a huge mental mistake right at the end of the game.

3. Dwayne Wade DID get fouled on that last drive to the hoop. Not by Dirk (whom the foul was called on), but by Devin Harris. It might have been a very ticky-tack foul... and probably ought not to have been called at the end of the game, but it was a foul nonetheless. Stop whining Mavs fans.

4. Dallas DID NOT lose the game because of the bad calls by the refs. They lost the game because they missed free throws in crunch time and made mental errors. The bottom line is the choked. It should have never come down to that last shot. By the way, what is going on with your MVP, mavs fans?

5. Mavs fans need to stop making generic Mavs talk and game analysis. No one wants to hear you break down the game and talk about how "AJ should had his players push the ball more and gotten the transition game going" and "AJ is a good coach but he needs to tell his players to drive it to the rack more." Message to Mavs fans: YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL... so stop regurgitating what you heard last night on whichever post-game show you were watching. Why does every fan think they're an expert. Just root for your team, watch the score, and stop being me down with this nonsense.

6. Miami did NOT commit a backcourt violation on the final inbounds play. In the NBA, a player does not have to establish themselves in the back court before receiving an inbound pass from the front court.

7. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

8. It's more than a little arrogant to go ahead and announce the victory parade for Tuesday (today) when you're only up 2 games to none and face 3 games on your opponent's home floor. It is also arrogant to accept an invitation to be on The Late Show with David Letterman between games 3 and 4 -- when you're up 2 - 1 in the series -- take a shot at the opponent's head coach and then declare, "We're going to win the series." But this arrogance is typical of dallas fans, who never miss an opportunity to crow about their teams on the verge of success, especially in football. Perhaps Karma reared it's head and smiled on Miami, perhaps the arrogance of the players and owner of the mavs was a wakeup call for Miami, it doesn't matter.

9. Dirk Nowitski punches and/or drop kicks a ball into the stands after the game (for which he was fined $5000). He then picks up an exercise bike on the way to his locker room and tries to throw it into the cement wall, and finally kicks at a table just outside the doorway to a locker room. He's obviously a great example to all the children out there. What a freakin' crybaby.

10. Look at it this way, mavs fans. Miami may be up 3 - 2 now and have all the momentum going into game 6. Your backs are against the wall and NBA history may not be on your side because the home team has never won all of it's games in an NBA final; but if your team loses, you can at least hang your hat on 43 straight years without a Presidential assassination in your city. Way to go dallas!!!

Posted by PoS at 8:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

From time to time I like to answer the email from fans around the globe. Here's our first one...

Dear Dirk,

SO where the [censored] did Dirk L'Orange come from?

Brad Webb

Posted by PoS at 11:30 AM | Permalink

Last night (Thursday) my wife requested that I join her to try out a new place. A piano bar called the Bent Tree Grill. She wanted to go because she likes piano bars and this place came with a very high recommendation of a co-worker. This co-worker of Mrs. PoS told her that this place really gets " hoppin' " by about 9:30 or 10pm.

I learned a number of things on this night. First, the term " hoppin' " is relative. Second, there are still places in this world that employ mid-1970's decor. The former, upon finding out that my lovely bride's co-worker is in his mid-50's told me quite a bit. But lastly, and perhaps most importantly, I now know, if there is a hell, what my personal hell will be.... An eternity of damnation in the Bent Tree Grill.

Continue reading "I Now Know What My Own Personal Hell Will Be" »

Posted by PoS at 10:35 PM | Permalink

Poolofsick is gone... actually, you can see the archive if you want, but for all intents and purposes, this is the new webpage that I'm sharing with The Observer. I will try to create content that is entraining and provocative, but we'll see.

I do promise to not ever put up posts that discuss the dietary habits of any of my loved ones. <sarcasm>I realize that subject matter like that is both interesting and relevant to a wide audience, but I'm willing to risk it.</sarcasm>

The new site does need some work... the archive pages look crappy (not as clean as the main page), but Observer and I should be able to work that out over time.

Posted by PoS at 9:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)