Dirk L'Orange is Writing...

The links that say "monster.com" go to monster. The other doesn't even pretend to be from monster (and I won't type it in here).

Posted by The Observer at 9:19 AM | Permalink

It is with growing antagonism and annoyance that I see that Anna Nicole Smith's ongoing posthumous "who's-my-baby's-daddy-a-thon" grows in number of participants, and lameness. Why nobody just comes out and says "Yeah, this woman was a major slut who slept with everybody for everything for any reason" is beyond me. However, I figure that with all the guys who are claiming to be her daughter's father, why not join the party?

The lawyers in Florida seem incapable of working together in a practical, common-sense way. Paternity resolution has become so bitter and partisan, so gummed up by money and influence, that we can't tackle the big problems that demand solutions. And that's what we have to change first.

I certainly didn't expect to find myself in this position a year ago. I've talked to many people about a possible paternity campaign. I've been struck by how hungry we all are for a different kind of baby-daddy.

The decisions that have been made in Hollywood, Florida these past six days, and the problems that have been ignored, have put our country in a precarious place.

People are struggling financially, Anna's dependence on foreign substances threatens the validity of any baby-daddy's claims, thus resulting in possible fathers being mired in a tragic and costly legal war that should have never been waged.

Anyway, I just wanted to announce that I'm also in contention for "Father of Anna Nicole's Baby" in '07.

I'm in it to win it!

Posted by The Observer at 9:22 PM | Permalink

As some of you know, I am a member of the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation and as such I get to vote for the Razzies, the annual award for the worst movies of the year. The awards presentation takes place a day before the Oscars in Los Angeles.

I just sent in my ballot, so I thought I would share with you, who I voted for. Below is the list with my vote in bold, and below each award, my reasoning behind that vote.

WORST SCREEN COUPLE

• Time Allen & Martin Short / SANTA CLAUS 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE
• Nicolas Cage & His Bear Suit / WICKER MAN
• Hilary & Haylie Duff / MATERIAL GIRLS
• Sharon Stone's Lop-Sided Breasts / BASIC INSTINCT 2
• Shawn Wayans & EITHER Kerry Washington OR Marlon Wayans / LITTLE MAN

Since I haven't seen any of these movies, I figured the other "couples" didn't have far to fall for making such a bad movie. The only other actor has any skins on the wall is Nick Cage, and I actually know someone that went to see the movie he was in... I think "Basic Instinct 2" was actually straight to the $1.50 theaters. I have no specific knowledge of whether Sharon Stone's breasts are lop-sided, but if I take the Foundation at it's word, that HAS TO BE the worst couple.

WORST EXCUSE FOR FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT

• DECK THE HALLS
• GARFIELD: A TAIL OF 2 KITTIES
• RV
• SANTA CLAUS 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE
• THE SHAGGY DOG

Eh, take your pick of Tim Allen movies.

WORST SCREENPLAY

• BASIC INSTINCT 2
• BLOODRAYNE
• LADY IN THE WATER
• LITTLE MAN
• WICKER MAN

I actually saw BLOODRAYNE... it is simply the WORST fantasy/adventure movies I've EVER seen. Worse than the Conan Series and Red Sonya... this was HORRIBLE!

WORST DIRECTOR

• Uwe Boll / BLOODRAYNE
• Michael Caton-Jones / BASICALLY, IT STINKS, TOO
• Ron Howard / THE DA VINCI CODE
• M. Night Shama-lama-ding-dong / LADY IN THE WATER
• Keenan Ivory Wayans / LITTLE MAN

Same reasoning here. Although I will say, Ron Howard was in a no win situation with his movie, there was basically no way to make that book into a movie without either ruining the story or making the movie wordy and long. M. Night Shyamalan, did a good job directing LADY IN THE WATER, his actors gave excellent performances, especially Paul Giamatti.

WORST PREQUEL or SEQUEL

• BASIC INSTINCT 2
• BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE 2
• GARFIELD 2: A TAIL OF TWO KITTIES
• SANTA CLAUS 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE
• TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING (aka LEATHERFACE: THE FORMATIVE YEARS)

Again, my vote here was based on the fact that considering the competition was was anyone expecting from any of those other movies?

WORST REMAKE or RIPOFF

• LITTLE MAN (Ripoff of the 1954 Bugs Bunny cartoon "Baby Buggy Bunny")
• PINK PANTHER
• POSEIDON
• THE SHAGGY DOG
• WICKER MAN

Here I went with the movie with the most potential to be actually a good movie. Steve Martin has some skins on the wall, he might actually be able to approach the genius of Peter Sellers. Alas, his performance was closer to that of CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN rather than THE JERK or THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS. He's fallen a long, long way.

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR

• Danny DeVito / DECK THE WALLS
• Ben Kingsley / BLOODRAYNE
• Martin Short / SANTA CLAUS 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE
• M. Night Shyamalan / LADY IN THE WATER
• David Thewlis / BASIC INSTINCT 2

I couldn't vote for Ben Kingsley, he's a good actor. WHY DID HE DO THIS MOVIE? M. Night Shyamalan wasn't even the worst actor in his own movie. I've never heard of David Thewlis, but he sounds the worst.

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

• Kate Bosworth / SUPERMAN RETURNS
• Kristen Chenoweth / DECK THE WALLS, PINK PANTHER, and RV
• Carmen Electra / DATE MOVIE andSCARY MOVIE 4
• Jenny McCarthy / JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE
• Michelle Rodriguez / BLOODRAYNE

This was the easiest one to choose. BLOODRAYNE, as bad as the movie was as a whole, Michelle Rodriguez was, by far, the most difficult to watch in that movie. She has absolutely no range.

WORST ACTRESS

• Hilary & Haylie Duff / MATERIAL GIRLS
• Linsay Lohan / JUST MY LUCK
• Kristanna Loken / BLOOKRAYNE
• Jessica Simpson / EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
• Sharon Stone / BASIC INSTINCT 2

Once again, she's falling apart. Why not any of the others? Well, what would you expect from the others... they're in movies that fit right into their demographic.

WORST ACTOR

• Tim Allen / SANTA CLAUS 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE, THE SHAGGY DOG, and ZOOM
• Nicolas Cage / WICKER MAN
• Larry, the Cable Guy (Dan Whitney) / LARRY THE CABLE GUY: HEALTH INSPECTOR
• Rob Schneider / THE BENCHWARMERSand LITTLE MAN
• Marlon & Shawn Wayans / LITTLE MAN

I really wanted to vote for Larry, The Cable Guy. But, I didn't want to give that guy ANY press, in case he won the award. Also, Tim Allen had bad performances AND volume, with 3 bad movies.

WORST PICTURE

• BASIC INSTINCT 2
• BLOODRAYNE
• LADY IN THE WATER
• LITTLE MAN
• WICKER MAN

Finally, the big one, worst picture. Think about all the people that worked on BLOODRAYNE. The producers, director, writer, actors.... it's hard to get that many incompetent people together for a single movie. The writing was bad, the directing was bad, the acting was bad... it was the PERFECT STORM.

Enjoy.

Posted by PoS at 1:55 AM | Permalink

If you recall my last entry about this... there isn't much more to say.

Now, if you were on the road, perhaps going to work, perhaps running some errands and you were following the rules of the road, and some ASSHOLE in a big truck was pulling the crap that's in this video, you would want do something... call a cop, kick the guy's ass, whatever. But, instead, your police force has no power over these guys, and they've got a .50 calliber machine on their vehicle and all carry weapons and can pretty much do whatever they want.

Once again. These guys are NOT heroes. These guys are bullies and thugs. They treat the people here subhuman and project an image of the U.S. military that reflects poorly on our entire nation. As I said before, I DO NOT SUPPORT these guys.

Posted by PoS at 2:53 PM | Permalink